Having an existential crisis?

It has been too long since I have written a post. I have been swimming deep in the waters of graduate school and have some time to come up for air and write a blog post.

Life update: Graduate school has been nothing but AMAZING! I can’t believe this week marks the halfway point of my first semester of graduate school. Classes are going great, and I love being in the clinic. My client is a toddler which means therapy is extremely fun. I love working on speech therapy goals while having a great time. The dollar store has become my second home, and my trunk is a traveling toy chest. Writing speech goals, therapy plans, and progress notes have been getting easier each week that goes by. My professors are the most wonderful and intelligent humans. I couldn’t be happier!

I am sharing all of this because I want to stress the fact that life, just like the ocean, has its ebbs and flows. You could be a fellow speechie in undergrad or you could be a friend of mine reading this post. No matter who you are, we all have one thing in common. At some point in our lives, we’ve had an existential crisis. For me, I had one my junior year of undergrad. Thoughts of my future were looming in the distance. Something I had always been good at, school, became a struggle. I was constantly worried about exams and was experiencing test anxiety. I would study like crazy and then take the test and feel inadequate. I got into a bad habit of feeling this way. Every time the word test was even mentioned, I could feel a pit in my stomach. I kept thinking, “What is going on?!??!” School is my life. I need to pass exams to get into graduate school, and I need to go to graduate school to become a speech-language pathologist. What am I going to do if I fail? What will I become? What is my purpose?! Then one day, I told one of my professors what I was feeling. He looked at me and asked, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” This question changed my mindset. I realized that sometimes we can get so caught up in our ideal life journey that we forget about what life really is. Life is beautiful and is a gift. Don’t get stuck in a vision. Remember to live in this moment that is happening right this second. I realized that my dream should not scare me into thinking of failing but rather motivate me to do the very best I possibly can, and you know what, if that’s not enough, then something else is in store for me. Once I changed my mindset, everything starting shaping up. My overall emotional state went from stressed to extremely happy. Instead of thinking “what if it doesn’t happen?”, I started thinking what if it does?”

What if it does happen? This simple question has brought me to where I am today. I made it through the existential torrential downpour to existential bliss. I made it into my dream graduate school program. I have amazing family, friends, and inspiring people around me.

If you catch yourself having an existential crisis, don’t take it as a bad thing. The universe is trying to help you live your best life. You’re thinking in those moments of questioning. Questioning can be scary, but try to get a good look at the entire picture of what’s going on. Look at your WHOLE life, not just one aspect of it. And remember to always ask yourself one final question…

What if your dream comes true?


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